Kitty Porn - Kitty Dominatrix

I made my first film...

A 19 Year Old Mystery Solved

Last night I get a message from this guy David who lived next door to me for a semester in college.

I'm gonna make a long story short.

David had a roommate named Gary whom I had a giant crush on. Gary and I spent a lot of time together talking and hanging out. He would sing songs and tell me stories about his family. The holidays. His mom. His dad. Soup his mom made. Sports. Gary loved sports. I loved Gary.

Then Gary died. David found him. Suicide? The rumor was that it was auto erotic asphyxiation but his family was orthodox and the police didn't want to tell a grieving orthodox Jewish mother that her son died jerking off so they went with suicide (go figure) but truly no one will ever know - but if you knew Gary - you knew he didn't kill himself. Here's another interesting fact... while talking to David this morning he told me that when going through Gary's stuff after the death he found a pair of women's panties in with Gary's belongings and thought that maybe Gary might have been getting some action... Now Gary and I spoke of everything and we both swore we were virgins at the time... I believe him... I know I was... but I'm wondering if Gary didn't have a side that he was just unable to share with his other orthodox friends. A side that involved ropes around necks and women's panties? He was found naked with the belt to his bathrobe around his neck. Also, odd that we would be so drawn to each other. Maybe we saw something in each other way back then that we didn't really know about or understand at the time.

So I get this call from David last night. It had been about 17 years since I spoke to him. I saw him on a daytime talk show once in the early 90's. He had crashed celebrity wedding and milked it for all it was worth. Talk shows, Howard Stern... he cashed in on his 15 minutes and that was the last time we spoke. David tells me that he found a post on line about someone who found a letter in a bottle on a beach 18 years ago (19 years ago at this point I guess) and those pictures above you are of the letter that I put in the bottle. This person framed them (acid free mats I'm assuming) and put them on his/her wall. So I googled it and found these pictures on a Dave Matthews Band web-site.

How crazy is that? I wrote that letter when I was 18 or 19 years old. It's all about Gary and what happened and memories of him if I remember correctly. Then I put it in a bottle and threw it off the rocks near a small sea side town.

A 19 year old mystery solved on this day, March 13th 2007.

A New Day

I feel a lot better today. Sometimes little things will trigger bigger things inside me. A small incident can set off an avalanche of negative thinking and then I get all depressed about something that really isn't all that bad. I have an amazingly good life though. I don't know why I started this blog. I use to have a pretty popular blog and I wrote all about my life but I stopped because I was sick of people I didn't know stopping me at parties and on the street to comment on what was going on with me. I like blogging when nobody knows who I am so I started this and didn't tell anyone I know about it. Also most people don't know that my new boyfriend has turned me on to this whole BDSM/Female domination thing. For his privacy it's better for me to just keep this anonymous. For myself though I think I'll be writing about lots of things. The BDSM is fine and certainly has become part of my life but it's not all there is.

I'm a womanly woman. My boy/pet/slave says I make him feel like a baby because I'm so womanly. I feel like a girl inside but I'm curvy and have big breasts and long black hair and there's really nothing girly about me other than the fact that I'm a girl.

I am an executive at a large company. I love my job and I pay all my bills and I have no debt and I love it.

I have a dog who is very old - 15 years - and he's slowing down and it makes me sad sometimes but he's mostly happy.

I have cats - one of them loves when I take a riding crop and smack him on the ass. I swear to God, he rolls over and sticks his ass in the air and loves when I just stand there smacking his ass over and over and over with the riding crop. It's pretty funny.

I have an extremely handsome pet/boy/slave/bitch who takes good care of me and loves me very much.

I like seeing bad movies - I can't wait to see The 300 on Friday.

I'm addicted to watching Rome.

I'm the oldest kid in my family.

I love sweets. If I could just eat sweets and nothing else I'd be fat and happy. Well, I also love fried things and salty things... pretty much anything that is bad for you so I have to watch it.

I am wise and a lot of my friends come to me for advice and help with problems.

I'm street smart but not very book smart.

I learned to snowboard and surf last year.

I like going camping - drive-in movies. I love being outdoors.

Okay, that's all for now. I better get back to work. Busy day for us here.

Sad Little Mistresss

I'm tired and depressed today. A depressed little mistress wearing her new denim Levi skirt and a Metallica T-shirt sitting at her desk feeling tired and depressed.

Happy Little Slave

I had to run errands on Sunday and my boy was still sleeping (as usual) when I headed out the door. I stood over the bed. He opened his eyes. I dropped the body bag on his head and told him get in. One day he came home with this body bag he had purchased from a sex store. He said that he was staring at it when the girl working there walked over and whispered "just get it." So he did. When he showed it to me my first thought was "What kind of fucking creep am I dating?" That's my usual internal response when he introduces me to something new. Thank God I learned long ago to keep my mouth shut. Because most of those things end up being things I LOVE after I get use to them. So he brought home this creepy bag and for weeks it sat on top of the cage I purchased for him until I picked it up and tossed it at him and told him to get in. I bagged him and tied him up and went to run errands. "How awesome would it be if there were a fire? I'd love to see the firemen come in and carry you out like this." I laughed as I exited the room.

I was worried he'd be too hot or start to freak out so I left messages on the voice mail that I knew he could hear. "This is your Mistress... I'll be home soon. I'll bet you have a boner." My concerns were totally unnecessary. He could not have been happier. I came home and he was all tied up, gag had fallen to the side of his mouth and he was sound asleep snoring like a friggin' freight train. I could hear the snoring as soon as I opened the front door and when I walked into the bedroom and saw him laying, mouth wide open, there snoring, ball gag laying to the side... I I had to run back out into the living room to have myself a good laugh so I wouldn't wake him up.

I swear to God. He cracks me up sometimes. If I hadn't promised not to take pictures or video of him I would have filmed him snoring and sent it into America's Funnies Bondage Bloopers.

On To More Important Things...

So I've been thinking about this whole BDSM/FemDom stuff - I mean, I didn't even know it existed until November. I had seen it in magazines and in movies but I had no idea that it was a real thing and that real people really did it. Then I started dating this guy and I could tell he was hiding something from me so one night... my last night visiting him in New York to be exact I laid on top of him on the sofa and lovingly demanded to know what he wasn't telling me.

My sex up until that point had always be very basic. Nothing out of the usual... I mean, perhaps it was unusual in that it was so "normal" - there were never any complaints but compared to what's going on it was your basic I fuck you, you fuck me, blow job, go down on me sex. Just kind of basic.

So this guy (that I love) tells me that ever since he was a kid has always fantasized about female domination. That in the past a few of his girlfriends have indulged him a little. He had never gone very far into that world but one girlfriend gave him a collar and a friend of his told me that I'm the girliest girl he's ever dated... and I'm a pretty tough chick so you can imagine.

So I started asking him questions and we stayed up all night and I even did some stuff to him that night. I said "take off your clothes" and I went to the bathroom and when I came out he was kneeling in the center of the livingroom. I started laughing and then realized he was serious so I stopped. Then I sat next to him and rubbed his back and then I put some whiskey in a bowl and told him to drink it like a dog. He loved it. So I took an ice cube out of the bowl of whiskey and ran it down his spine and then put the end of it in his asshole. He loved it. I really didn't know what I was doing but I knew I wasn't going to see him for a while so I figured I'd just do whatever came to mind and see how he reacted. When the taxi came to take me to the airport I said "I want you to get some magazines. I want you to circle pictures of girls you like and I want you to highlight parts of stories that turn you on. I need to see what you're into. (I had no real idea.) I also need you to buy a porn and send it all to me so I can see what we are talking about."

He told me how much he hated himself for having these fantasies. How stupid he felt. How ridiculous it was and how he had thrown out all his porn and stopped doing any FemDom stuff in an attempt to have a normal life. "You can't fight who you are." I told him.

When I got back to LA I got a package that freaked my shit out. I didn't even want to call him. I was horrified by the porn that included women dressing men up in panties and make-up and one even slicing a guys ass with a razor blade. After I read each magazine cover to cover and had watch the porn twice I finally called him to talk about the package. He said that he was so scared mailing it to me. That his heart was racing. Even buying the stuff in the store. As a joke, when I turned to step into the taxi to the air port I turned to him and said... and when the cashier rings you up with your magazines and movies tell him or her "I love porn." I was only kidding but he told me that he did it. He explained that he didn't want to be cut, or shit on... but that the idea of a dominant woman keeping him as a pet turned him on. I went on line and did a bunch of research and sent him links and made him read books on the subject and talk about it. He said he had never talked about it so much in his life. I think he's starting to accept that side of him a little more. He hates it less... I can tell.

A lot of times I don't know what I'm doing. I guess that a lot of this comes naturally to me but at the same time I have no idea. We're making our life up as we go. I don't know what's going to happen or if it will last. We don't even live on the same coast though we see a lot of each other because both of our jobs take us back and forth.

I don't know... I just wanted to start blogging more so I thought I'd write. I don't have much of a point other than it would be nice to have someone to talk to about this stuff that understood.

Regular Sex

Man, I use to blog every day on my old blog but now that I'm a grown-up with a job I never have time. I will make the time now though.

I'm new to the whole bondage and female domination scene. My current boyfriend turned me on to it and at first I didn't think I could do it but from what I hear I'm a "natural" and it's totally true. I'd love to argue that I'm not, or that I'm just doing this for him but I love it.

I know that nobody reads this blog and it's just as well but I'm wondering how, being new to this world... do you ever have regular sex? I mean, sometimes I miss being tossed on the bed and fucked... though I truly enjoy dominating... Seems that I put on some black leather gloves and he cums in a second, but take a traditional sexual position and neither of us can cum. I don't know that we need to take on traditional sexual positions. I mean, does it really matter? I guess it matters in that there is a part of me that wants to be man handled a little bit.

I imagine it'll all work itself out since everything always does and always has for all eternity but sometimes I wish I had a "Sponsor" in this world. A pro dom with experience to ask questions and share her experience with me... but since I have nobody to ask... I'll ask nobody.